Peter Pettigrew - What was he thinking?
by Quod Tibi
Summary: CHASER 3: Peaky Blinders: Red Right Hand — Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds I focused on the 2nd verse of the song that reminded me of what Peter Pettigrew must have been thinking. Additional Prompts: Distance, Authorized, Civilization


CHASER 3: Peaky Blinders: Red Right Hand — Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds

I focused on the 2nd verse of the song that reminded me of what Peter Pettigrew must have been thinking.

[Verse 2]  
He'll wrap you in his arms  
Tell you that you've been a good boy  
He'll rekindle all the dreams  
It took you a lifetime to destroy  
He'll reach deep into the hole  
Heal your shrinking soul  
But there won't be a single thing that you can do  
He's a god, he's a man  
He's a ghost, he's a guru  
They're whispering his name  
Through this disappearing land  
But hidden in his coat  
Is a red right hand

Additional Prompts: Distance, Authorized, Civilization

—

It had been hard to betray my friends. Even harder to see what was left of the Potter family. Looking into the unseeing eyes for Lily and James was one of the hardest things I have had to do. I never meant for them to die. James was one of my best friends and Lily was one of the only people who actually believed I could do something useful in this world. I was so sure Voldemort would prevail. So I let my will to survive, outweigh my loyalty to my friends. I guess some would say I have no loyalty. As I looked over my old friend's corpses, I knew he wasn't gone for good. I hid his wand selfishly to protect my secrets. I also wanted to be prepared for when he returned. I knew he would return. I just don't know how or when.

It was so easy to trick Sirius. He trusted our Marauders group explicitly. He didn't see my betrayal coming, which made it easy to disarm and frame him. Everyone was the same, they all looked down on me and thought less of me and of my abilities. I always kept up with the other Marauders. When they learned how to transform into their Amimagus, I did it too. They certainly pushed me to want more, but they always underestimated me. Really everyone does. Just because I don't mind the shadows doesn't mean I'm less capable. It made me a great spy for Lord Voldemort and he knew it.

The ultimate sacrifice was faking my death and living as a rat these last twelve years. It wasn't easy. Keeping my ears open, while living undetected in the middle of one of the Order's own homes. What a funny turn of events. It is hard to believe that the Weasley's never got suspicious about a pet rat that was handed down through their children. It was a relatively easy life. The children always took good care of me.

It was important to stay connected to the wizarding world. I needed to keep a watch out for Sirius. If he ever got out of Azkaban, he would hunt me down. He was the only one who knew the truth about what happened. I also need to watch for signs of Voldemort's return. To protect my position upon his return, it was imperative that I be actively involved with his return to power.

During my time with the Weasleys, especially in the first few years, the hardest part was not being an active member of civilization. The Weasley children were entertaining at times, but I desperately craved meaningful adult interactions. A night at a pub, trying to attract the attention of a pretty witch. Preferably with long straight red hair, a curvy figure and dainty feet. I would saunter up to her and give her my most charming grin. Then with authority buy her a drink. Honestly, that rarely worked. I'm that confident in my head, but in real life, it never quite goes that way. I was more apt to be successful when I was the "authorized wingman" for one of the other Marauders. In recent years that had been Sirius, guess we won't be doing that anymore.

I constantly needed to distance myself from those thoughts. I needed to stay true to the course at hand. I don't believe Lord Voldemort was dead. The Weasley's were the best place for me to hide in plain sight. The longer a stayed in my Animagi form, the less these desires for civilized interactions and baser male needs seemed to plague me. I was safer hidden away from those who hated me. The distance from my enemies and civilization, in general, was the safest course of action.

Imagine my surprise that first day on the train to Hogwarts with Ron. He was there, the one responsible for changing everything. Had the curse not backfired and saved the baby, Harry Potter, I would be in my rightful spot supporting the most powerful and influential wizard of his time. If only Voldemort had survived, I wouldn't have had to kill those muggles and frame Sirius. But I had no choice. I had to look out for myself. If anyone knew I was alive, they would all want me dead. The Death Eaters just as much as the Order.

It was during Ron's first year at Hogwarts that I realized Voldemort had survived. At first, it was weird little reactions that Potter seemed to have on occasion. These were worst when Professor Quirrell was around. There was also the time in the Forbidden Forest, I followed Potter on his detention and saw the strange shape drinking the blood from the unicorn. I wasn't yet sure how I would be able to help my master, but I knew then, that I would position myself to help my master regain his strength. I also knew I had to stay close to the Potter boy so I could offer him upon his return to power. I needed to be able to show I had stayed true to Him, never straying. I needed to figure out how to help Voldemort regain a body for his return to power.

Whenever I could, I researched ways of restoring Voldemorts body. I would sneak around Hogwarts reading whatever books I could get my hands on. The one thing about Hogwarts is there are a lot of books. Eventually, I found the spell I would need to help my master return.

My dream was that Voldemort would wrap me in his arms, tell me that I've been a good boy. He'll rekindle all the dreams it took me a lifetime to destroy. He'll reach deep into the hole, heal your shrinking soul. But there won't be a single thing that you can do. He's a god. He's a man. He's a ghost. He's a guru. They're whispering his name through this disappearing land.


End file.
